soalan untuk diri sendiri
gulp.
please don't you read this post, it's going to be ugly
it may drag your self esteem too, i guess.
everytime i type all the words here
i sighed.
fuhhhh.
what's wrong with me
i'm panick
i can't move
i can't do anything
i feel like i'm a burden
towards my supervisor, my friends, and......myself
see tears streaming down. dem yu tears.
did i make them worried? please don't
please don't :'(
i dont want to drag you guys with my issue.
my negativity issue.urgh.
this is so depressing, i tell you
this is so fucking depressing
is it going to be okay?
am i going to be fine?
i am fucking stupid
i can't do anything good
it will getting worse
when he told me to come and see him
i come and having conversation with him
is good, all good and i smile.like a lot
but when i start to do my works
its turn into something that making me blurry
i dont know what to do
how to even start
then i'm getting panicked
i start to remember
how he mad at me
and said this is the last chance
if you screwed it up
i will ignore you
do whatever you want
that time my heart is broken
i dont blame him
i know he tried to help me
dia nak aku bangun dari kebodohan aku.
and that time aku tahan je airmata
memang nak tumpah senarnya
aku tahan tahan, senyum jojo senyum
dia ada jugak cakap
kalau aku main-main macamni
tak datang jumpa dia
progress tah ke mana
pergi jumpa en.fad ambil borang
mohon tangguh belajar
pergh yang tu gua rasa macam kena kilat
gua rasa nak lari keluar dari kelas
tapi gua tahan
takkan nak nangis dalam kelas
its going to be so so ugly
dia tanya aku
dia garang ke?
seriously dia tak garang
cuma aku overthinking
nak datang jumpa dia tapi progress tak ada
rasa macam looser gila nak jumpa dia
dia baik dia boleh tolerate la
aku tak faham kenapa
aku takut gila nak pergi jumpa dia
ahhhhhhhh......
dah dapat lecturer baik pun kau macamni
aku rasa kau memang ada masalah
jojo kau kenapa ni?
aku memang push diri aku jugak
aku cubaaa sangat-sangat
sebelum review 2 ni aku
datang tunjuk progress aku
dia ok seriesli ok
dia bantu aku, dia cakap ok lepasni awak kena buat ni
awak kena pergi sini sini bla bla bla
dan aku selalu akan senyum after jumpa
legalah everything going smoothly
then hari rabu tu aku jumpa lagi dia
sebelum review hari jumaat
ok je omg
dah kenapa kau jojo
kenapa kau boleh menggelabah
tak tahu nak buat apa
bila kau mengadap kerja kau
sorang-sorang?
mengada sangat ni dah kenapa?
manja sangat ni dah kenapa?
kau nak aku tumbuk kau sampai lumat? gitu?
bam! bila kau stuck
kau baring kau pejam mata
kau cuba lari dari kenyataan
kau kalau dah hitam,hitamlah
memang kau taknak bangun kan?
kau nak lari kan?
kau rasa kau taknak bangun sampailah hari sabtu kan kan?
ya ya ya ya ya! fucking ya!
takut siot.
supervisor aku komfem
ignore aku lepasni
pandang aku pun dia taknak
yela bayangkan
dia dah bagi aku peluang
tapi sebab aku tak boleh kejar dia
aku tutup mata
mestilah dia rasa bengang gila
buang masa dia kot
dia dah spend masa dia
then tiba-tiba
p o o f
aku hilang.
jojo kau memang bodoh
bila aku panik semua kata-kata dia
menari-nari dalam kotak fikiran aku
extend.....quit....extend...quit....extend...quit
sigh~
whats will happen to me if i extend this course
what the worse could it be?
Ya Allah.
aku buntu.
apa yang buat aku bersalah sangat
to my friend..zarith,ayu,zizi,sam,ab
they try to provoke me
shaking me from being stupid
they worried about me
i feel sad-dedeh
see you making them worried
they already have their own problems
and now you adding yourself in their list
what iz wrong with you
you are such a B U R D EN.
B YU AR DEE EE EN
B-URH-DERNH
